Church Issues Press Release Asking Ordain Children to Reconsider Plans to Protest
A press release from the LDS Church regarding Ordain Children.
Ordain Children Movement Gains Momentum
Another group protesting for ordination were turned away from General Conference over the weekend: not Ordain Women, but Ordain Children.
Narrow-Minded Woman Refuses to Believe that Ordain Women Group are Unchristian Apostates
Friends have “completely given up” on 26-year-old Rebecca O’Donnell, an Ordain Women supporter, as she continually defends the “unchristian” group.
Faithful Mormon Has Trial of Faith as Food Storage Nears Expiration Before Second Coming
The drawn-out process leading up to purging the world from evil is making many members nervous as they watch their hordes of stored food expire.
Ward Basketball Team Receives At-Large Bid to NCAA Tournament
Highland 28th Ward brought the entire special “Selection Sunday” devotional to their feet yesterday as the committee announced the Golden Calves would receive a 14-seed and play the Syracuse Orange in the first round of the NCAA Tournament.
Spike in Activity Prompts LDS Church to Start Construction on New Temple in Sochi, Russia
With a two-week spike in activity due to completely unknown circumstances, the LDS Church announced that construction has begun on the Sochi, Russia Temple.
Ex-Mormon Hipsters Still Refuse to Drink Coffee After Leaving the Church
To Ex-Mormon hipsters, being orthodox Mormon, while not technically being Mormon, is as hip as it gets.
LDS Church Rents Out Conference Center for Monster Truck Rallies on Weekdays
Members can expect a renewed zeal for monster truck mayhem and family-friendly fun!
Holy Ghost Feeling Pretty Tired, Going to Bed Soon
An in-depth look at the Holy Ghost and his bedtime schedule.
Ward Pledges to Make All Sacrament Bread and Water Organic and GMO Free
This courageous ward finally makes a stand against one of Satan’s lesser-known tools of destruction.
Mars Rover ‘Curiosity’ is Prepared for Missionary Opportunities on the Red Planet
“No unhallowed hand can stop missionary work from progressing; governments may shut down, distant nebulae may explode, extraterrestrial armies may assemble, software glitches may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every galaxy, visited every rock formation, swept over the desolate spaces and sounded where sound cannot physically exist, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished or until we need to cut costs.” -Revision to Wentworth Letter
Ask Sister Christensen: Pursuing Leadership
In this month’s column, Sister Christensen outlines what one needs to do to get into church leadership.
LDS Church Announces Relocation to Missouri after Gay Marriage Legalization
After hearing of the legalization of gay marriage in Utah, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has announced that it will now move its headquarters to Independence, Missouri in preparation for the Second Coming of Christ.
Deacon Sacrament Route Practice Finally Paying Off
Casper 17th ward deacons tell how sacrament route practice was reaping dividends.
Church to Build Theme Park to Accelerate Missionary Work
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has announced that construction on a new amusement park in the state of Florida will begin in the next few months
Ask Sister Christensen: How Can I Make My Prayers More Powerful?
Sister Christensen answers the age-old question: “How can I hit a prayer home run?”
Ask Sister Christensen: Costumes for Children of God
This month, Sister Christensen gives some much-needed advice about Halloween costumes, and who and who not to model ourselves after.
Archaeologists Uncover Joseph Smith’s iPhone 1827s
After a new Church History discovery, Apple and the LDS Church were in shock to find that Joseph Smith may have had an early version of Apple’s popular mobile device a full 180 years before the actual release of the iPhone in 2007.
New One Hundred Dollar Bills: LDS Edition
A sizable donation from the LDS church leads to new editions of US currency. 5 dollar bill (pictured left) will be released next month.
Church Member Unwittingly Discovers Church Just Showing Reruns of Old General Conferences
Nothing wrong with some good reruns!