NAUVOO—Amid rumors that Steve Jobs was a closet Mormon, new evidence suggests that Joseph Smith’s mysterious “Seer Stone” was really nothing more complex than an iPhone.
Historians searching through a box of what were thought to be useless artifacts made the find on Wednesday. Sitting at the bottom of a stack of financial papers was a dusty black object which bore a striking resemblance to the iPhone.
“We believe a lot of revelation may have come from this object directly,” explained Dr. Aaron Veitnicks, an anthropologist from BYU. “We fired the device up and found a number of applications still running from their last use in the mid-1840s. We found short instructional clips on how to build the temple, a translator app, and even an early form of email.”
Although the device has mysteriously been whisked away to the granite vaults near Salt Lake City, Dr. Veitnicks produced a series of photographs. Most striking about the device was its single home button, volume controls on the side, and a large touch screen. Flipping to a photograph of the reverse side of the device, Dr. Veatnicks eagerly pointed to the area where Apple’s logo is typically displayed on the iPhone. Our eyes were greeted by none other than the famous Angel Moroni icon found on most LDS temples.
“Every idea we’ve had about the way revelation worked will be revolutionized by this find,” exclaimed Veatnicks. “The inspired translation of the Bible? Nothing more than tedious typing into the dialogue box on his translator app. The Word of Wisdom appears to even be derived from an app similar to WebMD. This is a watershed discovery!”