Starbucks Opens in Provo Amid Protests
A new Starbucks opened in the Provo area with customers hoping for more hot drinks and protesters hoping to shut it down.
Justin Bieber to Attend BYU by Court Order
Justin Bieber was ordered by a judge to attend BYU in order to get his life together and start making some decent music.
Ward Pledges to Make All Sacrament Bread and Water Organic and GMO Free
This courageous ward finally makes a stand against one of Satan’s lesser-known tools of destruction.
Mars Rover ‘Curiosity’ is Prepared for Missionary Opportunities on the Red Planet
“No unhallowed hand can stop missionary work from progressing; governments may shut down, distant nebulae may explode, extraterrestrial armies may assemble, software glitches may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every galaxy, visited every rock formation, swept over the desolate spaces and sounded where sound cannot physically exist, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished or until we need to cut costs.” -Revision to Wentworth Letter
After Controversy, Duck Dynasty Will Move to BYUtv in February
After a controversial December, BYU announced today that popular television show Duck Dynasty will be moving to BYUtv in February.
Ask Sister Christensen: Pursuing Leadership
In this month’s column, Sister Christensen outlines what one needs to do to get into church leadership.
University Grants Extra Holiday Vacation to Accounting Students
Accounting majors are more than pleased to hear that they would be given an additional two weeks of vacation time for their being a top-tier program as well as their intolerable pride.
LDS Church Announces Relocation to Missouri after Gay Marriage Legalization
After hearing of the legalization of gay marriage in Utah, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has announced that it will now move its headquarters to Independence, Missouri in preparation for the Second Coming of Christ.
Deacon Sacrament Route Practice Finally Paying Off
Casper 17th ward deacons tell how sacrament route practice was reaping dividends.
Chaos in Provo after Vehicles Towed During Council Meeting on Predatory Towing
With an ordinance ending predatory towing unanimously passed by the Provo City Council, towing companies all over Provo responded by towing everyone within a ten-mile radius of City Hall.
Student Athletes to Receive Preferential Treatment at Testing Center
Students and athletes agree: Finals week is a time where student athletes should be given every advantage in the testing center over their proletariat counterparts.
Church to Build Theme Park to Accelerate Missionary Work
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has announced that construction on a new amusement park in the state of Florida will begin in the next few months
BYU-California to Open Doors Fall 2014
With students at odds with the weather of Provo, CES officials announce that BYU will open another campus in Southern California to appease those who yearn for warmer climes.
Ask Sister Christensen: How Can I Make My Prayers More Powerful?
Sister Christensen answers the age-old question: “How can I hit a prayer home run?”
Fans Erect Touchdown Brigham Young to Rival Notre Dame’s Touchdown Jesus Before Big Game
As the Cougars get set to play against the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame, fans have built a Touchdown Brigham Young to bring them the blessings of the late prophet during football games.
Unrighteous Dominion Leads to Perfect Unity in Nevada Family
Jack Hughes tells The BunYion in two words how he has united his family in such difficult times: unrighteous dominion.
Students Anxious as Kid that Sits in Front of Class Close to Reaching High Score in Bejeweled Blitz
Students in the morning section of Political Science 170 were anticipating that the kid in front of class would get the highest score on Bejeweled Blitz, a game popular on mobile devices, sometime in the next few weeks.
Disgruntled U of U Student Hacks Bell Tower to Play “Hell’s Bells”
Oh, the bells, bells, bells!
What a tale their terror tells
Of Despair!
How they clang, and clash and roar!
What a horror they outpour
On the bosom of the palpitating air!
Yet the ear, it fully knows,
By the twanging,
And the clanging,
How the danger ebbs and flows;
Yet the ear distinctly tells,
In the jangling,
And the wrangling,
How the danger sinks and swells,
By the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the bells—
Of the bells—
Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells—
In the clamor and the clanging of the bells!
—Prophetically said by the late Edgar Allen Poe
Ask Sister Christensen: Costumes for Children of God
This month, Sister Christensen gives some much-needed advice about Halloween costumes, and who and who not to model ourselves after.
Students Upset After Being Told to Date For at Least One Month Before Marriage
Hundreds of single, BYU students plan on fighting a proposition voted into campus law yesterday. Proposition 18, the Mandatory Familiarity proposal, passed, while Proposition 19, the Mandatory Maturity proposal was voted down. Some couples, such as Tamika and Jakobi (left), are marrying outside of the temple in protest.