BYUSA Elections Rocked By Surprise Entrants

PROVO—As Brigham Young University gears up for the annual Student Service Association elections, the late entrance of new candidates, Rafael Lange and Amanda Gillespie, has people talking. The pair has shocked the student body with a new approach to getting votes.

“We promise to mindlessly obey every desire and whim of the BYU administration,” reads the campaign slogan. Their page states, “We agree to voluntarily surrender our free will in exchange for résumé padding and increased campus popularity.”

Students across campus are genuinely impressed by the honest, down-to-earth tactics of the surprise fourth pair and even seem to be interested in supporting their candidacy.

“Rafael and Amanda make me feel like I finally have a voice,” says sophomore Ashley Davis. “I used to think BYUSA’s only purpose was to make me hate Brigham Square and Facebook for a week each school year. Now I see there’s so much more.”

“This new candidate pair is really helping me redefine my BYU experience,” says junior Spencer Blake. “Studying for mechanical engineering has really turned me into a mindless zombie. With Rafael and Amanda, my extra-curricular interests won’t force me to think for myself either!”

Although many students have previously made claims that BYUSA is nothing more than a puppet-government for school administration, Lange and Gillespie seemed not to mind the comparison.

“I like the comparison,” said Rafael Lange, before he added with a wink, “Besides, if you really understand how the Muppets work, then you’d know where Cecil O. Samuelson has got his hands.”