“Malaysia Airlines Flight Probably Translated,” says Mormon Professor

MADISON, WI — A Mormon professor made a public announcement indicating that the Malaysia Airlines flight that has been lost for almost a week has been “translated.”

In the Mormon theology, “translated” means to be taken up to God. Professor Joseph McConkey of the University of Wisconsin indicated that “the righteousness of those on board probably exceeded anything ever seen before, and the plane was presumably taken up to Zion. Families of those in the plane should receive comfort in knowing their loved ones are with Enoch and Joseph.”

Others have hypothesized that the lost plane is with the lost ten tribes of Israel, but the scholar made no comment on this speculation.

“Those in the airplane must have been living the law of consecration by sharing their seats, even with overweight passengers, annoying children, or those with strong BO,” McConkey continued. Malaysia Airlines executives even indicated that, in fact, there were no first or second-class seats in the plane, but that “all passengers were united in purpose.”

The executives also pointed out that a home and visiting teaching program was established prior to boarding, and all visits were completed within an hour. “If all wards did this, we would all be translated,” said the Mormon scholar.

Security personnel from the United Nations expanded the search to include where Mormons believe Christ will come again, Independence, Missouri, despite warnings from church leaders that “the time is not yet for the plane to return. And when it does, what a glorious day it shall be!”